The Untold Story of Blair Waldorf's Heart
by BlairCorneliaBass
Summary: The story of C&B through Blair's eyes. Smut!
1. Death

A/N: Ok, so I have another story, The Untold Story of Chuck Bass' Heart, which is I suppose a companion story to this. I always planned on writing them both, but I thought I would get to Blair's after I was finished with Chuck's, but I had too much inspiration lately. Anyway, I'm still going to do them both, and, when possible, I will try to include different scenes. Anyway, this is my first official foray into smut, so I hope it came out alright. Please read and review. :)

**The Untold Story of Blair Waldorf's Heart**

Death

_"Me, I was raised amid the trickle-down days.  
I woke up numb in the haze  
and saw my future in a machine built for two,  
but the light gave me some kind of fright.  
How did wrong get so right  
and lead me stumbling through the dark of night?  
Oh something was wrong,  
but you tap danced on the air,  
in the night.  
Screaming at the top of your lungs,  
you said,_

"Come on, come on.  
Do what you want.  
What could go wrong?"

-OK GO

My life was over.

And it was entirely unfair for one's life to be over at the tender, sweet, naive age of sixteen. And when my life had been so unequivocally perfect.

Okay, so my father left our family to live in a chateau in France with his male model lover. And my mother was a work-obsessed perfectionist who likely had no clue that it would be my birthday in two days. So what? The only thing that Blair Waldorf needed in her life to make it absolute perfection was Nate Archibald.

And now he was gone.

The thing is, the day had just _so_ not started out like it would be the ending of my life. I thought of how blissfully I had started the day, after my mom told me that Nate was going to give me the family ring. There had been a perfect sunrise, and I swore I heard birds outside my window serenading me a beautiful melody as I awoke. So what if they would have been filthy, nasty pigeons- it's New York and that's as close as you can come to a fairytale as possible.

It truly felt like my life was the storybook romance I had always wanted it to be.

But instead of a cruel stepmother (_that_ might have been nice for a change), my fairytale was interrupted by that conniving mousy little Jenny Humphrey. Oh sure, she acted like she was so sorry for telling me that my boyfriend had kissed her, and no, not only that, but because he thought she was _Serena_! Gee, thanks! So apparently my boyfriend would love to get it on with anything blonde and floaty- anything that is not me.

Of course this would all happen to occur hours before the greatly anticipated Waldorf/Archibald dinner, where my mother would officially be signing onto his father's company. Wouldn't that be just the thing I needed tonight, complete with the horrid it's-a-hard-knock-life frock my mother dressed me in. I sure as hell wouldn't be touching anything for dinner.

And then Nate, acting so sweet at first, even calling me beautiful when he greeted me. Good grief, the boy was a pathological liar- how had I never seen this before?

Oh, right. Because I have been madly in love with him since the first time I saw him.

And then, his stupid father, forcing me to put on the family ring. It was like a mockery of everything I had wanted. I had dreamed of Nate, bent on one knee, sliding it on my left hand, with his eyes and lips telling me that he loved me and _only_ me. Instead it had been all but forced on my hand by my own fingers with Nate looking away and uncomfortable. Oh I had smiled brightly enough as I showed it to our families, but if I'd had my way, I would have thrown it out the window. And if I hadn't gotten it off my finger five seconds after, I just might have done exactly that.

Nate practically ran out of the room, using his father and unsmoked cigars for an excuse. More likely it was to tell him how much he would love to give that ring to Serena.

Of course, none of that mattered when I heard the police sirens and saw Nate's father being arrested. Somehow Nate thought that his father punching him and then being taken to jail were things he did not need to discuss with his girlfriend because when I finally rushed outside, he was about to step into a limo.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"I'm going to Victrola," he answered, looking away from me again. "I promised Chuck; it's important to him-"

"I saw your father get arrested!" I interrupted.

How could he? How could he just pretend that nothing had happened? Like I wouldn't even care? That's what was hurting the most.

"Why didn't you come to me?" I asked in a more quiet voice. "I would have listened."

Nate sighed tiredly. "I've tried Blair. But everytime I try, there's always something that's got your attention. You know, a dinner party, a masked ball-"

"Yeah," I agreed quickly, nodding my head as the anger swelled up inside me. "Let's talk about that masked ball. Let's talk about how while I was waiting for you to find me so that we could _finally_ be together you were confessing your feelings and kissing Serena!"

Nate just shook his head, unable to deny it.

"I thought I was doing everything right," I .

"It's not your fault," he mumbled.

Oh really? How could there not be something wrong with me if my boyfriend of many years suddenly wanted someone else?

"Do you love me?" I demanded point blank.

Of course, he could only look down as he had been doing all night. The seconds of silence passed by more and more humiliatingly until I couldn't stand it anymore.

When I could finally speak again, my voice was more gentle and sincere than even I could imagine. "You should deal with your father; he needs you."

Nate looked at me finally, in surprise.

But there my niceties ended. "Because you know what? I don't."

Without a final look at him, I opened the door of the limo and slid in, shutting the door behind me.

*****

It was a few minutes before I realized that the limo would be taking me to that nightclub Chuck had bought. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell the driver another address until I realized that I had nowhere else to go. Obviously I had just left my home, Serena was having a date with her poor Brooklyn charity-case, and Nate was officially no longer an option. Who even cared what Kati and Iz were doing, and I certainly would not expect them to actually _comfort_ me.

What I needed was to not think, not talk. The silence in the limo was unbearable.

Going to Chuck and Victrola was suddenly the perfect solution. Afterall, it was a nightclub with raucous music blaring and half-naked women running around. That should sufficiently distract me from the collapse of my world.

And one great thing about Chuck is that he is not a talker. He's moody and reserved enough when he's upset about something to know when others need it themselves.

And he certainly wouldn't try to give me advice or his condolences. Most likely he'd congratulate me and try to solicit my virginity to the highest bidder at the bar.

When the limo stopped at the loud club, I was ready to be distracted. The door opened and I hopped out. Chuck stood there, confusion lining his face.

"Where's Nate?" he asked.

Oh tonight he had to be Mr. INoticeEveything. "I think we just broke up," I informed him in a hard voice. I began wallking forward. "I don't want to talk about it; I just want to escape." I looked eagerly into the club. "That's what this place is for right?"

He followed along, directing me to seats right in front of the stage with waiting champagne glasses.

I sat down and took in my surroundings. Chuck as expected, did not ask me any questions. So i just sipped at my champagne with a smile on my face. It was honestly- _exciting_. I could understand why people would want to come here. With the dark lighting and wild costumes, I felt like anything could happen. Like there were no rules.

I watched the dancers. The costumes were fun enough, but honestly couldn't they have gotten better girls? I mean, the one with the bob was stiff as a board and the redhead next to her had hips the size of Texas! I mean honestly, even I could show them a thing or two...

That was just silly. Of course, I couldn't go up there. Obviously the two sips of champagne I've had have gone straight to my head...

"I know you don't want to talk about what happened but..." Chuck's voice broke me out of my reverie.

Well look who decided to play school counselor. Fine. He wanted to know how I felt?

"Relief," I interjected quickly. "I feel relief."

And you know what? I really did. It had been so long since I had even thought of myself as something seperate from Nate Archibald. From the moment I'd seen him, I had always envisioned us ending up together. It hadn't been 'our' future, it was '_the'_ future. I didn't even know myself without him.

Blair Waldorf, as I had always known her, had died tonight.

_Well_, if that was the case, what did it matter what I did? There were no limitations to my actions because you would have to be somebody to have limitations.

Maybe showing those whores on stage a thing or two wasn't such a bad idea...

"I've got moves, you know," I told him, watching the stage.

"Really?" he replied, disbelief strong in his voice. He slid closer. "Then why don't you get up there?"

I laughed, chickening out, and shook my head. "I'm just saying, I have moves."

"C'mon, you're ten times hotter than any of those girls."

Well thank goodness someone _else_ saw it.

But that didn't mean I was going to get up there.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I know what you're doing, Bass."

He was just teasing me. He was making fun of me because the idea of me was so inconceivable to him. Because in this area, Chuck and I were always the polar opposites among our group. He was the sexual deviant and I the pure untouched maiden.

Well, even if I was some pure untouched maiden, I could still show him that this virgin knew how to be sexy!

I turned to look at him, seeing the challenge in his eyes. "You really don't think I'd go up there, do you?"

He shook his head, the slightest grin touching his lips. "I know you won't do it."

How could I back down? There was just no choice but to go up there and show him that Waldorfs knew a thing or two about sultriness.

I stepped onto the stage, my heels clacking as I went. The sluts on stage stared at me in surprise, but who cared.

I should have been trembling. I should have been shaking. Afterall, from my experience with modeling for my mother a few weeks ago, we all knew how uncomfortable I was with public scrutiny.

But I felt no such fear. I was only filled with adrenaline and exhileration that I had acted in a way no one would have expected Blair Waldorf to.

The lights were a little blinding. There seemed to be a sea of people in front of me, all staring at this strange little girl who had climbed onto the stage.

But then I saw _his_ face, sitting exactly as he had when I'd left the couch. Most likely waiting for me to get scared and scamper off the stage.

That settled things. A smile crept onto my face as I slowly slid off my headband. One of the audience members catcalled, and I tossed it at him playfully. He probably had no idea that it had cost over a hundred dollars.

I looked over at Chuck again. This time he had scooted up to the edge of his seat. I took it as a challenge. Oh he thought I'd stop there, did he? Well he better think again.

I twisted my body to the side to reveal the zipper of my dress located there. I slid it down inch by inch, and with a quick shrug of my shoulders, my ugly, pilgrim frock fell to the floor.

The crowd cheered again and I relished it. So this was what Serena must have felt all those years being the center of attention. Not because she had manipulated others, or forced them to like her out of fear. But because she had been sexy. Well now Blair Waldorf could step into the limelight simply by showing some skin too.

And it was really so easy! It was easy and enthralling to be so seductive, so _sexual_. Swiveling my hips, running my hands through my hair, all slow and sultry movements made me feel so powerful!

But the frosting on the cake was when Chuck Bass raised a toast in defeat to me. I saw the look of amazement on his face all the way from the stage. Little virginal Blair Waldorf had struck Chuck Bass dumb with her sexiness.

The song ended and I hopped off the stage, amidst more cheers. There were shoutings for an encore, but I knew I'd had enough. I downed the rest of my champagne, then set it down back on the table with a victorious smack.

I looked at Chuck. "I'd better get going now."

He smiled back at me, still with that look of... a_we_ in his eyes. "Then allow me to drive you home."

I accepted and began walking to the exit. A few men hooted and hollered as I walked by, which I enjoyed thoroughly.

We were quiet in the limo as it began driving forward.

I would never regret this night. I should have been crying into my pillow, sobbing for the loss of my true love, but no, Blair Waldorf was stronger than that. She was a strong, sexy woman, wild enough to get up on a burlesque show stage and strip. Not that anyone would know this who actually knew me, except for Chuck, but who cared? No one would believe Chuck even if he told it, because well, he was _Chuck Bass_.

It was enough just for me to know that I could do it.

And even if he had only stayed with me just because I had provided a diverting enough entertainment for the night, I was grateful to Chuck that he had been there. In a way, I had him to thank for bringing out that girl on the stage tonight.

I glanced over at him. "Thanks for the ride home," I murmured.

He shook his head slightly, staring at me.

"You were... a_mazing_ up there."

The emotion in his voice made me pause and really look at him. Then the look in his eyes held my gaze so that I could not turn away.

I don't know if I've ever been stared at in that way. Maybe Nate had, but if he had, it's been so long that I can't remember it at all. But it was the way I'd always wished he would look at me.

I had noticed on occasion glimpses of what all those women who threw themselves at Chuck Bass saw. The dark gleam of his slanted eyes, the full and inviting lips, the strong jaw and jutting cheekbones. Not at all the all-american poster boy that Nate was, but handsome in another way. As if he belonged in a time period past.

Well, a handsome sexual deviant in a time period past. Because that was what screamed from every feature of his face: sensuality. The old Blair Waldorf would never have noticed these things, of course. It would not matter that his lips looked so soft and kissable. Or that the merest glance of his eyes made you think of dirty thoughts.

Maybe I was finally experiencing the magnetism of Chuck Bass, but it pulled me closer to him. It seemed like the natural thing to do. Just as natural as placing my lips against his.

Yes, I, Blair Waldorf, kissed Chuck Bass in the back of his limo. Not twenty minutes after I broke up with my boyfriend of practically my whole life.

Because, damn it all, I didn't care.

I was disappointed when he pulled back so quickly. Even just after a short kiss from him, I wanted more. Now I knew why he had such a reputation...

I thought he might say something about Nate. About how he couldn't do that to his best friend. About how I was a silly girl who wasn't tempting in the least to someone like him.

But he didn't say those things at all.

"You sure?" he breathed.

The significance of what he was asking finally pulled through to me, but instead of being insulted and slapping him in the face- as no doubt the old Blair Waldorf would do- I considered.

I could see in his eyes then how much this was a strain for him. That he wanted me very, very much.

And you know what I realized then? I wanted him. Too.

As a matter of fact, I wanted him badly.

And in that second, that was all that mattered.

I didn't waste time with words, I just brought those pouty lips back to mine and began kissing him. I told him with my lips how ready I was, how sure I was. At least, I was sure that I wanted to be a woman whom a man actually wanted to sleep with.

It wasn't romantic. It was nothing like I had been planning, and believe me, I had been planning for this moment for a _very_ long time. Not that I am perverted, thank you very much, but simply because I am a planner. I do not do that whole 'spontaneous' thing.

Except for tonight. Tonight my life was already in ruins so who cared about perfection?! There was simply no possibility that my life could sink lower.

And of course, at the bottom of total destruction, whom else do you find but Chuck Bass?

So I didn't listen to the small, rather annoying voices in my head that were screaming 'no no NO!' Because, to be quite honest, Chuck Bass's lips and hands were drowning out those voices so that I could only hear the heavenly choruses of 'yes yes YES!'.

He was good. That was the understatement of the year; he was fantastic. I mean, if it wasn't for my loyalty to Nate, I would- wait, I have no more loyalty to Nate! So then believe me completely when I say that kissing Chuck Bass was like being kissed for the first time; as in you do not know what a real kiss is until you have had those pouty, full lips pressed against your own. There was just something about them, they just knew (yes I was starting to believe that they had a mind of their own) how a woman wanted to be kissed. And where.

I knew he had done it before with hundreds of women. I knew he would not think of this as anything more than his conquest for the night. I knew that he was probably thinking me horribly innocent and docile because he was Chuck Bass and I was Blair Waldorf.

But his body was telling a different story. His lips clung to mine like I had all the oxygen in the world stored up in me. His hands carressed my legs like they were the softest they'd ever touched. And those dark eyes of his, when he broke away and looked at me with our panting breaths mingling together, stared at me like I was the most beautifully seductive creature he'd seen in his life.

So what if it was a lie? A lie could transform into truth, if just for one night.

I found myself passionate in a way that I had hitherto never been. The first time that I had been determined to have sex with Nate was the night that Serena came back. Even as he was kissing me, running his hands up my legs, my mind was focused on 'getting the job done'. It was nothing more than something I had to accomplish. Now though, I had hardly any thoughts running through my mind and it seemed all I could concentrate on was the feel of Chuck's touch.

I slid closer to him on his lap and that's when I felt it. Him. The physical manifestation of just how excited Chuck was. I remember the only time I had felt it with Nate before, I had immediately halted our make-out session, feeling embarrassed. That was of course when I had wanted to keep my virginity. Now though, it caused an entirely different reaction. It felt _good._ Following my instincts, I pressed my hips into his and smiled as he let out a throaty moan.

He kissed me more hungrily then and I felt him slowly slipping down the straps of my slip. My breath hitched in my throat, feeling nervous. I wish he would just take it off already, but he seemed determined to take his time. He broke off from our kisses just in time to stare at my chest as the material fell off it. I felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny, sure that I could never measure up to the hundreds of women he'd had before. But he continued to stare at me like I was some rare creature, as if he'd never seen the female form before.

His head bent down and I felt his hot, wet tongue circle the nipple of my left breast. He suckled it lightly then, and carressed it gently with his teeth. My head flung back on the leather seats of his limo, moaning his name over and over.

"Say it again," he murmured against my skin, his warm breath making my nipples tighten even more.

"What?" I asked, hardly coherent.

"My name."

He slid the rest of my slip down my legs and threw it aside. Slowly, his fingers grazed up my thighs again until they reached the top of my silk underwear. He ran a lazy finger along the material, barely touching and yet it felt like he left a blazing trail everywhere. I moaned his name again and my hips, of their own accord, bucked in his hand.

His hand moved the silk material to the side, and lightly brushed against the folds of skin. I could feel the wetness there as his fingers moved back and forth. Then, without warning he slipped a finger deep into me.

"Chuck," I gasped, clenching around his finger in my surprise.

His dark eyes found mine and I knew he was fully enjoying every reaction he induced in me. That this was arousing him more than anything else.

"Do you like that, Waldorf?" he whispered against my neck, sliding his finger back and forth.

There was no reason to deny, if I could even find the mental capacities to do so. I nodded my head pathetically, biting down on my lip.

His lips traveled across my collarbone, licking at the indentation of skin. "How about this?"

His finger slid from my heat and drifted upwards, brushing against the curls of hair until it settled at the nub of flesh that had been pulsing ever since this started. I shivered as he trailed along the flesh with his fingernail. Then he bit down on my neck as his finger began rubbing slowly against the bundle of nerves.

The feeling was so shocking, so exquisite, like electricity shooting along my nerves.

"Shit!" I cried, then clapped a hand to my mouth in embarrassment. I didn't normally say words like that.

He laughed, and mercilessly continued stroking me between my folds, making my body shake with the pleasure of it.

"I wonder what it will take to get you to say 'fuck', huh Waldorf?" he mused, like the ecstasy-inducing villain that he was.

I dug my fingernails more deeply into his shoulders, and he gasped a little, though smirking like he enjoyed the pain.

"I always knew you'd be a wildcat," he whispered, so low I couldn't be sure I'd heard him. I closed my mouth over his to shut him up again.

Before long, I was feeling mindless. Something was building in me, and all I knew was that I wanted something more.

"Please Chuck," I moaned.

"Please Chuck what?" he replied, tracing along my right nipple with his pinky.

"I.." I didn't know what to say. "I need you..."

He smiled again around my lips. "You need me to what?"

I hated him. I didn't want to say the dirty words, but I didn't care at this point.

I tugged hard on the ends of his hair and glared into his eyes. "Fuck me, Bass."

He smirked widely, closing his eyes as if I had whispered the sweet nothings of an enamored lover. "That's all you needed to say, Waldorf."

I pushed him to the floor of the limo, climbing on to his upper thighs. I tore at his belt and pants, pushing down his boxers with the material at the same time all the way to his knees.

And there he was. It. I couldn't stop staring at it. I'd always thought they were kind of ugly in the pictures I'd seen (anatomy class, nothing else!), but it was different in real life. I reached out to touch it tentatively, lightly running my fingers down the length. He shivered and his hips jerked up slightly, making me smile. The skin was so soft, softer than anything I'd felt. I wanted to touch it more, but he grabbed my hand to stop me.

"Let's not end this sooner than it has to," he said, teeth clenched.

I smiled down at him. "Oh c'mon, Bass. Aren't you known for your stamina?"

He looked to the side, averting his eyes. "Usually," he muttered.

He rummaged around in his suitjacket on the ground before bringing out a small foil packet. He tore it open and quickly placed the condom over himself. With that he flipped us over so that I was underneath him, and then he was kissing me. Kissing me so that I would completely forget that I was about to lose my virginity to Chuck Bass in the back of a moving limo.

He moved my knees up and my breathing grew shallow. This was it. No turning back.

He touched my face with his hand, and I opened my eyes, not realizing before that they had been squeezed shut.

He stared at me, eyes searching mine. "Are you sure?" he asked again quietly.

I gazed back at him, almost wondering if this was truly Chuck Bass that I was doing this with. He was so... different.

But whoever this was, I was sure that I wanted to do it with him. I nodded and brought his lips to mine.

I felt him slowly start to enter me then. I revelled in the feeling at first, so different from anything I'd felt before. But the feeling of tightness became too much when he was fully in, and the pleasure was for a second pain.

I had known it had to happen, and of course, he would. And to be honest, I thought he wouldn't pause for it, just keep going at it like a caveman. But he didn't. His body was still except for his lips which travelled over my body until I couldn't even remember the pain. Until I began rocking my hips up to his.

He began thrusting harder, and the deeper he shoved, the closer to heaven I came. I couldn't get enough, I just wanted more and I told him that, in every mindless whisper. He acquiesced, murmuring my name as he rocked his hips until my body clenched down and an explosion of euphoria erupted inside me.

I had no thoughts for a few minutes. It almost seemed, when I came to, that I had woken up from some extremely pleasant dream. Chuck had brought us to lay on our sides, both of us breathing hard, and he was staring at me again. I gazed back, with no words to say.

That was when the limo stopped. We both sat up, realizing that we were outside of the Waldorf residence. Lying naked in the Bass limo, having just had sex with each other.

I quickly scrambled to get my clothes on again, cursing now that I hadn't brought my dowdy dress home. Not that my mom would notice, but Dorota would.

When I had on as much as I could, I opened the door of the limo. My foot was halfway out before I realized I should say something. Especially to the person I had just given my virginity to.

I turned around slightly to see Chuck right behind me, his hand covering mine. I supposed he was going to stop me if I hadn't already paused.

I stared at him, words failing me for the moment. Then I looked down. "Thanks for tonight, Chuck."

He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it softly. "Thank _you_, Waldorf," he murmured.

I turned away and closed the door behind me, my legs shaking a little.

And when I lay in my bed, after skirting Dorota's highly questioning looks, I forced myself to not think anything about it at all. And only remember that it was a night of liberation.


	2. Recovery

A/N: So I worked hard to get this and the next chapter out just so that everyone could enjoy the smut in that chapter. :)

Chapter 2

_There's a place I see you follow me  
Just a taste of all that might come to be  
I'm alone but only breath you can breath  
to question every answer coming_

It's a crime you let it happen to me  
Out of mind, I love it, easy to please  
Nevermind, forget it, just memories  
All the pain inside a spiral notebook

Forget it

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me  
You're a part of me that I don't wanna see

-Breaking Benjamin

I woke up with a strangely pleasant feeling running throughout me. I vaguely noted some soreness in my body, but mostly I felt lighthearted and... _satisfied_.

Until I remembered the events of last night.

Oh god, I was going to burn in hell.

Because I had sex.

Because I had sex in the back of a moving vehicle.

Because I had sex in the back of a moving vehicle with the devil a.k.a. Chuck Bass.

What. Was. I. Thinking? Firstly, I almost never made such split second, bad decisions. That was Serena's territory and you'd think I would have learned from her example all these years. Even my first kiss with Nate had been a well-crafted, highly orchestrated affair.

_Nate._ The full intensity of our break up washed over me and I pulled my chocolate colored silk duvet over my head with a shattered moan.

It wasn't our first, of course. We'd started "officially" dating when we were twelve and you don't go through an adolescent relationship for over four years without breaking up a few times. But, obviously we'd always gotten back together before too long.

And though this time was more significant, it didn't mean that it was the end of everything. His father had just been arrested, he had been upset- we both were. It was a charged night; once everything settled down, he likely regretted the way he'd just let me go.

It was terrifying to imagine the opposite. Nate had been a part of my life- been my life- for so long; if our relationship was over for good, it was the same as my life being over. He was the only future I had ever imagined- it wasn't a matter of _if_ it would happen, it simply _was_. Always had been.

And last night was... it was... well, I wished so much I could say it was revolting, that Chuck had pawed at me like some lecherous pig, that I'd been numb and aware throughout the whole ordeal. But I even I couldn't lie to myself like that. Suffice it to say, it was incredibly better than I would have ever expected.

That didn't make it any less wrong, however. Still though, it's not like I was the first to cheat- and technically you couldn't call what I did last night cheating because we were broken up. At least _I_ had given him that courtesy, not just found some bar stool at a wedding while in another room (god, neither of us had lost our virginity in a traditional bed- that's why this was so wrong).

Alright, I had done wrong- I admit it. I had needed to feel restitution for the wrongs he had done by me, and now I had so I could move on. As long as I payed penance for my crime, everything would work out.

That's what I had to believe anyway.

I got out of bed and quickly made my way to my closet. I picked out a black, modest dress (as this was so clearly a day of mourning) with matching accessories. I grabbed my purse and walked downstairs.

Dorota looked confused when she saw me. It was fairly early still, not even I usually got up this early on a Saturday morning. But I had a job to do.

"I'm going out," I called out to her casually, and then stepped into the elevator.

When I reached the outside doors, I stopped at the doorman.

"Boris," I began as I slid on my sunglasses. "If anyone comes for me, tell them I'm out." Perhaps Nate might come over.

"Where I say you go to, Miss Blair?" he asked in his Russian accent.

I set my mouth and gripped my purse closer to me. "To clean myself," I told him and began walking.

The church was quite nice. I hadn't been to church in a very long time, our family only occasionally attending Christmas masses when I was younger. And, though we didn't ascribe to any denomination in particular, we certainly weren't Catholic.

But it was the closest and it would serve its purpose.

Thankfully there were no other people in the cathedral. I asked one of the priests where I could confess, and he indicated the small box-like enclosure at the side.

It was strange, but almost like I was in a movie, which I could appreciate. I coughed, trying to remember what one was supposed to do in these situations, and began speaking.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been..." I paused, because I didn't think you were suppose to use the word 'never' in this kind of thing. "_Awhile_ since my last confession."

I almost fell off the bench when the voice on the other side came. "What troubles you my child?"

I sighed. A deluge of memories of last night ran through my head immediately. His lips searching mine, his hands reaching underneath my dress, his eyes raking over my form once no clothes were left, his hips driving deep into mi-

Oh no. I was getting turned on in a confessional booth. And god was _so_ watching.

"After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes," I began to explain. "I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed _ass._" I could feel myself getting worked up about it again, mainly anger at myself for letting it happen at all. But definite disgust at him for not saying no (my mind reminded me of his 'you sure?', but I ignored that. "The only good thing is he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened- thank _god_."

The priest coughed pointedly.

Whoops.

"Sorry," I apologized, then whispered the rest, hoping it wouldn't get me kicked out. "Truthfully I'm not even Catholic."

"You don't say," he replied drily.

I still needed to rant, however. "But losing my virginity to _Chuck Bass-_" My mouth formed his name to show how much I loathed him, just so god knew for sure. "None of my friends will ever understand."

Okay, so a lot of girls had lost their virginity to Chuck Bass- but obviously I was above other girls. That's what made me queen over them. I certainly didn't want to be part of the "deflowered by satan" club a school.

"I'm ready for my punishment," I insisted. To be honest, I had many years of inflicting pain on myself to get things I wanted. "Whatever you and _god_ think is necessary: flogging, fasting, putting that thing around my thigh like Silas..." Now that one would really get me some results.

"How about some food for thought instead?"The priest interrupted.

Well as long as it wasn't to eat.

"Don't drink."

Meh.

"Keep your clothes on."

Only if I'm around a certain Basshole.

"Try avoiding those who might cause you to stray."

With pleasure.

Clearly this was direct advice from god to stay away from that cretin.

"Oh I plan to." I agreed quickly. "Thank you father, it was very good advice."

I got up from my seat and gathered my things. Before I opened the door, I thought of something.

"You don't grant birthday wishes do you?" I asked.

His answer came back rather rudely. "I'm a priest, not a genie."

Same thing. "Well the next time you talk to _him_" I said_,_ trying to sound penitent. "Will you ask him to send my boyfriend back to me?"

The stupid priest never answered.

Well whatever, it was up to god, not some poor celibate priest anyway.

I had done my job, said I was sorry, and fully cleansed myself of the sins I had committed last night. I was pure again and everything was going to go back into place.

I slid my sunglasses back onto my face with a wide smile, and began walking across the street.

And you'd think by now, and having just come from church, I would have an acute sense of when satan was around. But no, the smarmy devil surprised me again.

"Well this is the _last_ place I'd expect to find you," he called out cheerfully.

My head whipped to the side to see Chuck Bass in his limo, window rolled down and smirking smugly at me. I took off my sunglasses and turned to face him in my shock, and considerable annoyance. "Go away Chuck," I ordered in a hard voice. "I've been given orders practically from god himself to avoid you."

"Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?"

He obviously had a hearing problem. And why, why,_ why_ was he even asking me?!

"_Sorry_," I couldn't have made my sarcasm more apparent. I let my enthusiasm return once more as I told him just where I was going. "But, as is tradition on the day before my birthday, I'm going to the jewelers to put some pieces on hold for Eleanor and-"

"Nate?" he interjected in a patronizing voice. "Oh I don't think he'll be singing happy birthday this year."

Yes, he would! I turned to him with furious eyes. "No one knows we broke up and it's going to stay that way so that I can fix this." He still sat there in his stupid limo, grinning smugly at me. Time to turn on the guilt. "And I don't think your best friend would still be your best friend if he knew-"

"If he knew," he interjected quickly in a drawling voice. "How much I enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity belt in the back of this very limo?"

I stopped in my tracks, and glared at him in a way I hoped would sear his skin. "From this moment forward, the events of last night will never be mentioned- is that clear?"

He only leaned further out the window, his dark eyes glinting with mirth. "Not as clear as the memory of you purring in my ear, which I have been replaying over and over."

I rolled my eyes, turning my face away. It would be so much easier if the same hadn't been happening to me. Not that he would _ever _find out about that. "Well erase the tape." I instructed, my tone icy. "Because as far as I'm concerned, it never happened."

Finally his face soured. "I'll see you at your party tonight," he said in a hard voice.

"You're officially uninvited," I informed him before walking immediately away.

"Never stopped me before!" I heard him call out.

He was such a pig.

I couldn't even begin to understand why he was acting this way anyway. Everyone- _everyone- _knew that Chuck Bass did not do morning afters. Whatever slut he bagged for the night was welcome to stay in bed afterwards, but there would be no breakfast canoodling once the sun broke. Once was always enough for him, so why did he care?

Oh, of course. This was just a game to him. He had something to hold over my head, something no one would have ever guessed at and would destroy me if it ever came out. Of course he only wanted to use that to his advantage. I certainly would, if it was about anyone else.

That didn't make me loathe him any less.

And so what if he had acted so different- so _caringly_- last night, obviously it had just been a ruse to get what he wanted.

'You sure?' my _ass_!

I made my way to the jewelers, and that finally returned me to my earlier happiness. I decided on a ring, a bracelet and a necklace, all pieces that could match together if they were individually bought (which would be the best outcome, obviously). But it was really the necklace I wanted. It was delicate and classic-looking, and, since my mom had already chosen the look for my Cotillion dress, I knew it would go perfectly with that.

I walked home and as I took the elevator up, pondered whether I should call Nate now. It was only 9:30 in the morning however, and though I wanted my boyfriend back, I did not want to look desperate.

That was when my mother popped out of the kitchen.

"Oh hey mom, I just came back from the jewelers and I gotta say-" Please let this remind you that my birthday is _tomorrow_.

But she interrupted, as always, slamming down the newspaper onto our foyer table. "Have you seen this?" she yelled, sounding about to have a break down. Which probably meant that one of her models had gained three pounds.

I looked at the paper, and when I saw the picture of Nate, his mother, and the Captain, I grabbed it in my hands.

"Since when does drunk and disorderly get this much attention, anyway?" I commented, my eyes scanning over the article. Yes, obviously, he had stepped over the line by punching his son in the face last night, but that didn't seem to merit being written in the paper about it.

"Since _never_," my mother explained, voice full of sarcasm as always. "The Captain is being charged with embezzlement and fraud." She she shook her head and raised her eyes to the ceiling. "This is an absolute disaster!"

"It must be awful for them," I agreed in a sympathetic voice.

"I meant for _me_!" she corrected immediately. Should have known that by now. "The Captain is suppose d to represent me; the contracts are about to be signed- what about my IPO, huh? What is going to happen to my Bendel's deal?!"

She was getting hysterical now.

I could only look at the picture of Nate on the paper. "He looks so helpless," I said, mostly to myself."

Mother didn't hear that of course. "I- I have to call my lawyer. I have to put an end to this deal before it goes any further." She walked out of the room.

I had my own epiphany. "I have to talk to Nate."

There was no dillydallying about it anymore- he needed me now.

I went upstairs to my room and texted him 'I'm here if you need 2 talk'.

There, invitational but not territorial. If he would just give me another chance, I swear I would try to be more open. Wasn't that why he hadn't told me about all of these problems with his dad? I would be the perfect girlfriend from now on- listen to all of his problems, be his rock through his father's trial, stand next to him through all of the court proceedings.

Especially when the paparazzi took pictures of us... I should wear McCartney on those days... with Louboutin shoes...

A half hour later I sent another text to him, despite not having received a reply to my previous one yet. That was when Dorota announced Serena's arrival. I was happy because she could help me pick out a dress to wear for the party tonight.

She was having troubles with her own "boyfriend". I shuddered to think that they had progressed to that state now- and that they'd almost had sex last night! But then, that just reminded me that _I'd_ had sex last night, but, well it certainly had been better than what that Brooklynite could do- no, nevermind, I was not allowed to think about this.

When she asked about how Nate was, I found that, despite Serena being my best friend in the world, I couldn't tell her that we had broken up. It wasn't necessary because we were going to make up, so why even let one person know about it?

She asked if he was coming to the party tonight, and I said that I'd told him only if he was up for it.

"Oh, B," she oohed, sliding off the bed to give me a hug. "You're such a good girlfriend."

I bit my tongue and a part of me wished I could spill everything then. I wasn't a good girlfriend. I hadn't known anything about my boyfriend's father's embezzlement problems and, during a mildly large tiff between us, I'd slept with his best friend.

Well, okay, so I was no better than Serena now. But I would be better, if we could just get back together.

She left but promised we'd go to my party together since Nate might not come.

I sent off a few more texts to Nate, though I'd yet to receive one back. This increased my worry, but I reminded myself that his life was in uproar right now and he surely had a lot of things going on.

After trying on a few more outfits, I decided to look on the internet for more information about his father's indictment.

Perhaps that earned me enough points with God because soon after my phone buzzed and the name on the LCD screen was exactly the one I wanted.

"Hi," I answered immediately, my voice sounding breathless in my excitement. "Are you okay? I've been texting you all day." I couldn't help but remind him.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks,"he replied, his voice light and casual. "I've just been- kinda busy."

Just as I thought.

"I just wanted to check on you," I explained, not wanting to sound needy or desperate- despite that being exactly what I was. "See if you needed anything."

"Yeah, I kinda do," he said hesitantly.

I almost fainted with anticipation. Nate _needed_ me."Well?"

He coughed slightly, and it sounded like he had to work himself up to make the request. "Um, Blair do you think we've been kind of hasty with the whole break up?"

_YES!_ I allowed myself a small victory dance, but only because he couldn't see. The thing is, sure, I could have been a better girlfriend, but it's not like he was up for boyfriend of the year either. If we got back together, I wanted us to be on the same level, and that meant making him work for it.

"Um, I don't know Nate," I answered in an unsure voice. Have I mentioned that I am an excellent actress? "It was a pretty difficult decision."

"Yeah, look- I totally understand," he swiftly agreed, and I felt my tentative perfection shatter. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"But, uh," I sat up straighter, trying to ameliorate the situation, while not having to beg. Still, if it came down to it, I just might. "We do have a lot of history together. It was in the heat of the moment," I reminded him, then altered my voice to sound hesitant. "But you'd have to be willing to really work for it."

"Yeah, yeah of course," he agreed again quickly. A small part of my brain wondered at how quickly – and easily- this was happening. But I chose to ignore it. "We'll just take it slow and see how it goes..." he assured me, and then finally, his voice lowered and his tone became more serious. "And um, I've got a birthday present for you. It's something special."

I could hardly contain my bliss. "I can't wait to open it at my party. I'll see you there." I clicked off the phone before he could say anything back.

You see? I didn't _demand_ for him to tell me that he loved me, or give him any ultimatums or anything. This was a new Blair Waldorf- loose and free and easy-going.

And Nate was going to fall even more in love with her.

And I had a pretty good idea of what that _special_ present was from Nate. The question was simply, which one?

I quickly dialed the number for the jeweler's. "Hi, this is Blair Waldorf. I was wondering if any of the pieces that I put on hold were picked up today?" I flushed the second I heard the answer. "The diamond necklace? Okay, thank you!"

The Ericson Beamon necklace. The necklace that was the most expensive of any of the jewelry I had put on hold. The one I had wanted the most.

Of course he had known all that when he saw it. He knew me, would have known that was what I wanted even if I hadn't put it on hold. We were soulmates.

And this was my second chance.

I slid from my bed and began jumping up and down my room like a little school girl. No one was around to see so it was okay.

"Thank you!" I whispered, looking straight to the heavens. "Thank you!"

God existed. It's official; I'm a believer.


	3. Rebirth

Chapter 3

_Well I see you, and you see me too  
Moon is rising, night will be here soon  
Follow me, and lay down in my room  
Hold me, hold me in your arms  
Well now heal me, heal me with your touch  
Your touch keeps me hanging on_

- Black Keys

Serena and I stepped out of the elevator to Kati's brother's apartment and into my amazing birthday party. It was Japanese-themed and everything about it was perfection.

I started laughing, to which Serena immediately joined, because it is very important that you enter a party while laughing. Especially when you are fashionably late.

Kati and Iz came up to us wearing Japanese school girl outfits. "Happy birthday!" they chorused.

"Oh my god, Kati, your brother's apartment looks amazing," I told her. I could be nice, since it was my birthday and things were finally going the way I wanted.

They took us on a tour of the apartment and then Serena and I made our way to the sushi bar to have a snack.

"Hey, so where's Nate?" she asked when our food was served.

"Um," I paused, looking around. "I'm sure he'll be here soon."

And he _would._

"What about Dan?" I tried to move the subject off of Nate.

"He said he's coming, but he might be a little late."

"Well you better check up on him," I teased her. "Before his friend whisks him away for some friendly activities."

I knew all too well how those things happened now anyway.

"Oh shut up," she laughed, then her eyes locked on something behind me.

"Oh there's Chuck, I bet he knows where Nate is-"

Of course. Stupid motherChucker couldn't leave well enough alone. Well I wasn't about to sit here and endure his skeeziness.

I got up from my chair. "I think Nate probably just snuck in while we were dancing..." I turned quickly on my heel and strode the hell out.

I was usually a people person- hence my love of all social events. And I would be able to love this party once Nate got here. But while he wasn't, I just couldn't pretend to be happy. So I went out to the veranda, where there were much fewer people.

I should have known it'd be much easier to corner me there.

"Are you ready for your present?" his stupid leering voice surprised me not five minutes after I left Serena. He leaned to the side of the balcony wall and viewed me with a smirk.

So I pulled at his hair and sunk my claws in deep.

"OW!" he yelled out. I didn't let go.

He glared at me. "If you wanted to play rough, all you had to do was ask."

And for one second, I did consider it. That made me grip his stupid seductive head more sharply.

"Hey Blair!" Some girl from school called out as she headed back to the party.

"Hi!" I called back cheerily, finally releasing the mongrel's head. He began rubbing it. "Hello there. Happy birthday to me!"

We were left alone now and I didn't have to pretend anymore. I looked out over the view the veranda provided and informed him with a groan, "You nauseate me."

He returned in an annoyed voice, "All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end..." His tone hardened. "Face it- it's over!"

I rolled my eyes, continuing to look out over the building. "You sound like a jealous boyfriend."

He snorted. "Yeah right," Now _his_ face turned away, and there was just something off about his voice. Like it was _nervous._ "You wish..."

I looked over at him now, as if there was finally something more I would find there than simply leering. Chuck Bass' face, especially when talking to a girl, and a girl he wanted to sleep with, was always the picture of confidence. Now, I had inferred from his incessant pursuit today that he wanted to sleep with me again- no matter how ridiculous it seemed- but now, it seemed apparent that he wanted something else...

"No," I realized slowly._ "You_ wish."

He turned to glare at me. "Please," he protested, disdain dripping from his voice. "You forget who you're talking to." He looked away again. Which probably answered me better than his words.

"So do you," I countered, still looking at him in surprise with my new revelation. The next words I would say would feel so weird coming out of my mouth, but I just had to know. "Do you... _like_ me?"

He looked back at me and I could see the slight tinge of fear in his eyes. Even without his answer, I knew right then. "Define like," he stammered.

Oh my god- Chuck Bass was _blushing_.

If it hadn't been me; if my life wasn't in upheaval from my problems with Nate, I might have reacted with more tact. Afterall, this was Chuck Bass, and I could tell this was a first for him.

And this outcome was certainly the last thing I expected from last night.

"Oh- you've got to be kidding!" I blurted out, shaking my head back and forth. "I do _not_ believe this!"

He turned on me, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I didn't let it affect me. This was just another complication that I _so_ did not need tonight.

"How do you think _I_ feel?" he shot back, his tone hard and angry. "I haven't _slept_, I feel _sick_, like there's something in my stomach- _fluttering_..."

Oh. Well that would almost be kind of... sweet.

If it wasn't happening to a perverted douche bag.

"Butterflies?" I asked, my voice assuring him of my displeasure if he answered in the affirmative.

But he didn't even need to- the look on his face as he realized it for himself gave me all the answer I needed.

"Oh no no no no no- _no_," I kept repeating, pacing over to his other side. "This is not happening!"

Because it just _couldn't_! I mean, if we hadn't had sex and my relationship with Nate wasn't on the fence right now- maybe, _maybe _I could enjoy a revelation like this from him more. Meaning, I would tell Nate and expect them to duel for my love on the streets of New York, but you know, it would just be all in good fun.

But now, if Nate and I really weren't going to get back together, I certainly did not want Chuck Bass' help with picking up the pieces of my life afterwards. I wouldn't want anyone to.

I wouldn't think of that though. Because Nate and I were working things out- had already worked things out.

"Believe me," I insisted weakly, his voice sounding tired and... mortified. His head hung down, and he looked away from me, as if he couldn't bear to see my reactions anymore. "No one is more ashamed or surprised than I am."

I should be nicer to him. I mean, he'd been a good scheming partner for most of our acquaintance and he'd understood when I'd done some pretty horrible things to other people.

"Chuck-" I began, trying to infuse more sympathy in my voice. Still, I had to be completely honest with him. "You know that I adore all of god's creatures and the metaphors they inspire, but these butterflies?" I made a sign of strength with a fist. "They've got to be murdered."

His head slowly rose to meet mine, and I finally saw the old Chuck Bass in his eyes once more. They were cold and dark and without depth. "Fine," he agreed in a cool voice. "It wasn't that great anyway."

"Thanks," I replied, a small amount of sarcasm creeping into my voice.

Oh well, I tried.

He left soon after and I was so relieved. Ever since last night, whenever he came near me he just brought out these strong emotions in me- including anger, revulsion, and shameful mortification.

But also, and I would barely admit this to myself, just a little bit of... _desire_.

It was just because I was desperate though. I was panicky and worried and maybe my brain was forming contingency plans if Nate _didn't_ come.

But that wasn't going to happen of course. I had gotten god's approval!

I spent a good thirty minutes staying on that balcony. I just couldn't think about anything else, much as I tried. I was constantly checking my phone because I was sure that at any moment he would call and explain his absence- with a very good reason as well.

Like saving a child from thieves in Central Park...

I was flipping the phone in my hands, counting how many times I would flip before he called, when a certain _presence_ came up behind me.

I didn't even have to turn around, I could smell his annoyingly attractive musky scent and knew.

"Stalk me much?" I rolled my eyes as I walked away from him.

He followed. Of course. "What are you still doing up here all alone?"

I huffed out a large breath of air. I probably shouldn't tell him, but I was kind of lonely and was being driven crazy with waiting. "I don't know where Nate is, and every year he calls me at midnight when it turns into my birthday."

"_Well,"_ his voice caressed the word, and I could already predict the slight that would come afterward. Stupid, smarmy Basstard. "I wouldn't count on it tonight."

I just rolled my eyes.

"Doesn't it strike you as just a little bit of a coincidence- the timing of everything?"

I had no idea where he was going with this. "What do you mean?"

He looked like a cat with a canary in it's mouth. And it was enjoying the hell out of that canary. "Well, Nate suddenly decides he wants to get back together the minute your mother puts the breaks on her deal with the Captain?" Every word was coated with patronization.

"So," I retorted just as sarcastically. "You're saying that Nate is only _pretending_ to like me and he's actually using me to get to my mother?" I shook my head assuredly. "He wouldn't do that."

His smirk didn't falter for one second. "Yes, he _would,_" he emphasized, then his tone turned slightly more sincere. "If it was to help his family- you know he would."

Yes, Nate put familial obligations high. But, that was one of the things I loved most about him.

"Nate loves me," I declared defiantly. He only laughed as if he could sense my uncertainty in that. "Whatever he's doing, wherever he is, he will call at midnight- you'll see."

He turned to me with a different spark in his eye now. "Care to make a wager? If he calls I'll leave you alone forever. If he doesn't-" he leaned forward with a heady look in his eyes, and lowered his voice tantalizingly. "_You spend the night with me_."

My pulse started to rise at his nearer proximity and my imagination immediately pictured what spending a whole night with Chuck Bass would mean...

_Why _did he have this effect on me?! He wasn't even hot, not like Nate anyway. Well, okay, so his lips were truly the most seductive things ever, and the tip of his eyes was so exotic, and his cheekbones and jawline were straight from a roman god, but-

No! This was just what he did to women, and because I was worried about Nate, I was desperate enough to fall under his slimy charms.

"I will not!" I protested, shoving him away from me. Because obviously proximity to him was dangerous.

It didn't defer him. As always. "I thought you were sure..." His voice mocked me.

Of course I was sure. This was Nate and even if we'd had a few problems lately, we'd had problems before. But we'd always ended up back together.

Because it was fate.

"You're gonna lose," I told him, forcing calmness into my voice. "He's never missed my birthday."

I walked away after that. But not before I caught the look of total confidence on his face.

I decided to stay away from the balcony after that. It was a cursed place and obviously it was all too easy for a certain leech to corner me in. Not to mention, it was 11:38 and I really needed a drink now.

By 11:46 I was on my second drink.

And at 11:55 I took a third.

And when I watched the second it became midnight, there was simply no reason in the world to not down a fourth.

"12:01." I heard him say, again, as he came from behind me. Let it be noted, this is how the devil works- always coming up behind. "I'm sorry."

Even in my slightly muddled state from all the drinks, there was one thing I could tell from that sentence, and it was that Chuck Bass was _not_ sorry.

"No you're smarmy," I countered quickly.

Smarmy, smug Basstard he was.

"There's a difference." I continued, the sighed out in exasperation. "If you're coming to collect, you can forget it."

"Turn around," he instructed.

Yeah, because then I wouldn't mind. Asshole! "You get grosser by the second."

He sighed, shaking his head slightly. Oh, for once I was making the double-entendre instead of Chuck Bass. Call the newspapers.

"You get over it-" he assured me, then pointed behind me with a finger. "Look."

I turned around to see Serena with a large birthday cake and Kati and Iz and everyone else following her, singing the birthday song.

But I was _so_ not in the mood for this. And certainly not to eat _cake._

"Happy birthday!" Serena cried out smiling.

"C'mon, blow out your candles!" Kati said.

"Yeah, make a wish Blair," Iz agreed.

I stared at the cake with it's glowing candles. But I had already made my wish and thought I'd gotten it. I couldn't take the disappointment another time. And I didn't believe in magic anymore.

"It already didn't come true," I muttered and walked away.

Back on the balcony, because it was clearly safer than being at the bar. And I obviously didn't need more drinks.

I could still forgive him for this. Yes, I had hoped he would come, but it could be just like I said to Serena, and he really needed to be with his family tonight. Perhaps he'd found his father's mountain of hidden cocaine and was single-handedly keeping him from overdosing.

That's a pretty good excuse for missing your girlfriend's birthday party.

My phone signaled for a new text message and I felt immediate relief. Of course, it would have been nicer if he could have called, but then, it was probably easier to text when diverting your father from his mountain of cocaine.

But no. The text was from Gossip Girl, but it did actually involve Nate. It showed him with his arms around some blonde.

At least I knew it wasn't Serena. But he'd likely found some substitute for her.

I snapped my phone together and decided to walk into the party. I didn't notice that my movements were stiff and robotic.

Of course, everyone else had seen it.

I could hear Serena's voice as I stepped closer to the main circle of the group.

"She might be wrong. I mean, she has before..."

She was talking about Gossip Girl. But even Serena's voice didn't hold any hope for this.

I finally arrived at the main circle and stared at them all. I wasn't even sure why I was here; for the first time, I was not in the mood for a pity party. My mind was still in shock.

"Blair," Serena began hesitantly. "I'm so sorry, I never thought that this would happen."

"I hope the slut gave him herpes," Iz contributed.

"Cheater totally deserves herpes," Kati agreed.

"He isn't cheating," I clarified, my voice starting out numbly and then growing more hysterical. "We broke up- _okay_? He was going to get back together with me, but only so that my mom would help out his dad." I glanced at Chuck for a second, and hope I burned him with my gaze. "Satisfied?"

I was starting to cry, and though the student population of Constance had certainly see me cry before, it was never when it was for real.

Serena followed after me. When I reached the door of one of the bedrooms, she called out.

"Blair stop- you can talk to me!"

I turned around finally.

"We ended it!" I cried out, my voice trembling with the tears running down my cheeks. " I wanted to tell you, but a part of me thought that if I didn't say it out loud then it wouldn't be true."

She closed her arms around me.

"It was my birthday wish for us to get back together!" I moved out of her arms. "Now I think it's really over."

I was starting to sob now, and we were still in view of everyone in the party. Much as I loved Serena, I didn't want anyone around me now.

"Is it okay if I just want to be alone for a second?" I turned away and closed the door.

I let myself cry- cry until there was nothing left. I could have taken that he didn't want to be with me anymore- but did I really have to see him with another girl the day after?

I was so mortified. I couldn't doubt what Chuck said now. He had been using me for his father's stupid deal. For how long had this been going on? Well, I knew he'd been distant ever since Serena came back, which was almost three months ago.

For three months I'd been a prop girlfriend.

He'd been my white prince for so long, it was a disappointment for my fairytale to end so underwhelmingly.

When the tears had dried finally, I became pensive. I tried to figure out what the hell my life would be like now.

I realized now that it was so stupid of me to base my entire life on a relationship.

I was lying down on the bed when I heard the door creak open slowly. I looked up to see Chuck standing behind it, peering at me cautiously.

Of course. He didn't know how to deal with any other emotion than horniness.

"I'm not in the mood Chuck." I sat up stiffly. "This is pretty much the worst birthday ever."

He began walking forward, obviously more confident now he knew I wasn't crying. "Maybe it could be salvaged."

He brought out a black thin box from behind his back as he sat down next to me on the bed and held it to me.

"Is that our sex tape?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Figures.

He merely opened up the box and I gasped slightly when I saw what was inside.

"It's the Ericson Beamon necklace," I said, my fingers reaching for the glittering gems, so artfully arranged, displayed before me. It was him- he'd bought me the necklace- the present I'd wanted the most. And he'd bought it soon, probably sometime after I disinvited him from my party.

But this wasn't a present from a friend. It was something that boyfriends gave to their girlfriends. And Chuck Bass would _not_ be my boyfriend.

When he took the ends in his hands and lifted it out of the box, I had to protest. Or try to at least.

"No, I couldn't." My voice was fairly weak in its resistance.

"Yes, you can," he retorted, his voice warm and confident.

I leaned my neck forward as he looped it around my throat, clasping the ends together. His fingers then trailed to my neck, to set the tiny diamonds so they lay just right.

"Something this beautiful," he began, still in that soft, gravelly voice that I almost didn't recognize from him. "Deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty."

I didn't know how to make sense of his words. It was something straight from my favorite classic movies, something the hero said to the heroine when he was about to declare his love for her. Nate wouldn't have ever been able to come up with something like that, had he ever thought to. Which he wouldn't have because I was not beautiful to Nate.

I didn't know that it was in Chuck Bass' vocabulary to deliver anything but a pick-up line.

But I didn't sense any of that in his manner or voice now. He sounded like... he just wanted to make me feel better.

I stared at myself in the mirror, touching the stones at my neck. It was a necklace for a queen, that was why I had wanted it. And seeing my reflection now, with his precious words echoing in my ears, I could see it.

"I really am sorry," he murmured.

The thing is, he sounded like he meant it.

My life was truly over now- at least, the life I had known for so long, I couldn't remember the time before it. Nate had been the focus for so long; now that he was gone, it was as if he'd wiped away absolutely everything else about me with him. The rules, the airs, the manipulations, the desires of that girl were all taken away now.

What was left?

Obviously there had to be some remnant of me still left, some small bit that had not been inextricably tied to Nate and the life I'd always lived.

I didn't know that part. If I did, I'd shoved it away, kept it hidden for a very long time.

But now, with no one to control her, that bit would run free.

And that bit liked what Chuck Bass had done for her tonight. She loved the necklace he'd bought her (since now she knew that no one else would have). She adored the way he'd called her beautiful. And her skin burned where he his fingers brushed as he adjusted the necklace once more.

That bit could admit that he was rather... sweet.

So she could be sweet to him as well.

I took the hand that was fiddling with the diamonds at my neck and wrapped my own around it, sliding my fingers through his. They were long and slim, and well manicured and smooth. He knew how to take care of himself and I liked it. Especially since I knew what he could do with those hands.

I felt his lips press softly to my shoulder- not with his tongue peeking out or at all in a sexual way. It was gentle and comforting and intimate. I would have never guessed that Chuck Bass knew how to kiss like that.

I swiveled my head to his, touching our foreheads together. I must have been crazy or desperate, because I could feel a different atmosphere between us. Last night had been exciting and passionate and rushed, but now...

I was getting a taste of those butterflies myself now.

Okay, I was definitely crazy.

But if I was going to be crazy, I might as well enjoy it. So I brought a hand to cup his cheek and brought his lips to mine. And I thanked him with my lips, pressing softly and sweetly and tenderly. He responded in kind, his mouth only matching my pressure and motions.

But my emotions overflowed, and my touches could only reflect this. I wanted to wrap myself up in him because it was too scary to be by myself, and, I had to admit, he made me feel safe and protected even... cherished. My mind ran over his earlier words, but this time I thought of them with pleasure rather than disdain. This was Chuck Bass, and from one night with me, I had deprived him of sleep, made him feel sick, filled his stomach with butterflies. He wanted another- wouldn't leave me alone until he did- and everyone knew that he never spent another night with the same girl.

He'd had countless girls, so many- models, porn stars, beauty queens... but only me he'd wanted again.

Finally I was special in someone's eyes.

It made me want him all the more, and I began kissing him more passionately. He acquiesced, wrapping my arms around his neck, and returning my kisses fervently.

I had always been a quick learner. So while last night he'd introduced me to the art of sex, tonight I would lead.

I drew myself away as he laid back on the bed. He looked petulant at the loss of contact until I began unzipping myself from my dress, a slow grin coming over my face. His smirk matched mine, until we heard a loud yell from outside and were reminded that a party was commencing outside.

"Shit," he muttered, rolling off the bed and walking to the door so that he could lock it.

When he turned around, his body stilled as he looked at me.

I was standing on the bed, my shoes left neatly on the floor, with my back to him. I glanced over my shoulder to see his surprised expression and grinned again as I slowly unzipped myself from my dress. He watched the movement with his eyes and I could see him visually gulp when the material dropped to the floor. I had not worn a bra with my dress so I pressed my hands to my breasts before I turned around to face him in just my black panties and patterned opaque thigh highs.

His pants were quickly becoming a tent, it was obvious.

"Are you going to strip for me every night, Waldorf?" he teased, stepping closer slowly.

"Not a chance, Bass," I shook my head at him. "You'll have to strip off the rest." I held out a Falke stocking-clad leg pointedly.

His eyes raked up it, and he took the heel in his hand. He drew his fingers slowly up my leg touching the stretch of skin that was bare above them for a second before hooking them under the material. As he slid the stockings off, his lips followed in its wake, starting from my thighs all the way to my ankle. He repeated this with the other leg, but this time his tongue peeked out on occasion, much to my pleasure.

All that was left was the small triangle of material across my hips. He wrapped his hands on the back of my thighs and brought me even closer to the edge of the bed. His face was perfectly level with the center between my legs, and he locked his eyes with mine as he pressed his lips right over my heat. My breathing hitched and a shudder passed over my form as his tongue flicked out along the material, somehow hitting just perfectly between my folds.

"Chuck," I breathed, tossing my head back and moaning when his teeth bit the edge of my panties and drew them off me.

"Oh my god," I murmured and felt him move back from when I'd been scraping his scalp with my fingernails.

I opened my eyes to see him staring at me, burning me like they were devouring every inch of my bare form. I instinctively wanted to cover myself but he, most likely knowing my intent, captured my hands in his.

"Even more gorgeous with the lights on," he commented, and I felt myself flush. But that just reminded me how much I wished the lights were out now.

"My turn?" he asked with a smirk, starting to shrug out of his jacket.

"No," I contradicted and he raised an eyebrow. "I get to do it."

I took the lapels of his suitjacket and slid them off. He was eying my bare breasts, swinging close to his face, and he leaned forward to kiss them but I smacked his face lightly to keep him away.

I waved a finger at him. "No touching."

He just brought his hands up to cup my ass. "You don't need to increase my anticipation, Blair. _Believe me_, this is all I've thought about for the last twenty four hours."

I began roughly unbuttoning the front of his shirt. "Too bad, Bass. It's my birthday; I get to do whatever I want."

He smiled as he watched my progress. "Guess that includes me."

I smacked him again.

He brought a hand to his cheek after he let me slip him out of his shirt. "You really do want it rough, don't you?"

My hands unbuckled his belt, tightening it painfully around his waist as I drew it from it's clasp. I looked up into his eyes with a wicked twist of my lips.

"Maybe later," I admitted.

I dropped his pants, and, keeping my eyes with his, slowly slid off his boxers. I made sure that my breasts brushed against his erection as I came back up.

His eyes were intense now and neither of us could take the teasing anymore. He pushed me to lay back on the bed, his body quickly covering mine. His hands kneaded along my body as he kissed me deeply.

But then I remembered that this was _my_ night, so I pushed his shoulder till he was flipped over and I slipped on top of his hips.

He looked like he enjoyed the view very much, and he brought his head to my breasts. He kissed right at my sternum, just below where his necklace lay, then drew a path with his tongue across the valley of my breasts. His teeth bit gently at the fleshy underside of one mound, circling the tip with his nose.

I threw my head back, moaning loudly when his tongue ran over the sensitive bud. Then my head snapped forward, a hand covering my mouth as I remembered the large amount of classmates just outside the door. That was when I looked in front of me.

"Oh!"

Chuck opened his eyes and stared at me, obviously inferring that my cry of surprise was slightly different from all the ones before.

"What is it?" he asked.

I continued staring straight ahead. "I forgot about the mirror..." I explained breathlessly.

He arched his head to the side so he could see it for himself. "Well so there is." He turned back, grinning. "Are you enjoying the view? I know I am." His gaze turned lustily to my chest and his hands made their way up to cup the soft flesh. My eyes locked on the erotic sight of myself, fully naked and straddling him, while his palms kneaded my breasts slowly. Were it anyone else, it would be disgusting, but it was me and him and we looked _hot_. I felt myself grow wetter.

But the bed and our position obscured my view of his body and I wished we could change so that I could see it.

Apparently the dissatisfaction was evident on my face and he was surprisingly keen enough to be able to guess my thoughts. His eyebrows furrowed for a second in surprise as he smiled up at me. "Do you want to use them?"

I looked down at him, breathing heavily. I was sure that a lady should say no, that it was a little too kinky for a well-bred woman.

But I _wanted_ to.

"Yes," I answered in a small voice.

He looked at me like I just made Christmas come early. Or maybe just _him_...

"Allow me," he said smoothly, gripping my hips to lift me off of him and sliding off the bed. He took my hand in his and led me right next to the mirror, then kneeled down on the floor. I would have refused, except that this was obviously an upscale apartment whose owner had carpeted the floor with likely $25 dollar a square material. So I bent on the floor as well, facing him.

He brought his hands to my hips and pulled me closer, so that my bare skin touched every inch of his. Just that alone got my heart racing again.

"What do you think?" he asked, turning my head to look at ourselves with a finger against my chin.

I saw all of us now, every part of me and him. Chuck's body did not have the muscles from athletics that Nate's did, but he was slim, his body frame well-formed and masculine. Compared to him, my body was small and feminine and delicate and fit just right against his. In fact, seeing it in the mirror, I suddenly realized that we looked very good together. With Nate's blue eyes and light hair, I had always been a total opposite. But with Chuck, we matched perfectly. Our dark features highlighted and enhanced by one another.

His hands were lightly tracing along my body and I couldn't tear my eyes from the sight. His words from before echoed in my head slightly: "_Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty."_ I had always been told that I was pretty, but for so long, I had always been considered the less attractive one. It was most especially when compared to Serena, but hell- even at times I thought Nate outshined me in prettiness. Yet in front of this mirror now, totally bare but with the diamonds of a queen glittering around my neck and the intense look in Chuck's eyes as he stared at me, I truly felt beautiful.

I turned my face to him finally. "I want you," I panted, skimming my hands along his body until they reached the straining appendage at his hips. His eyes closed as I drew my fingers along it and his head dipped backwards. I looked back at the mirror to drink in the sight and relished the feeling of total power over him.

"Do you like that, Bass?" I asked teasingly, recalling the words he'd said to me in the limo.

His jaw was clenched and I could feel him twitching in my hands as I explored the flesh that was still so new to me. I rubbed my thumb around the head of him and smirked as a drop of dew formed immediately.

"You have no idea," he rasped.

I smiled wickedly. "What if I did this?" I continued, feeling like we were playing some game and enjoying the hell out of it. I was still such a beginner to all of this and yet somehow, he made me feel like I was a natural, and confident about everything I did. I pushed at his shoulders so that he laid back fully onto the carpet, but staying within the range of the mirror's reflection. I slowly drew back, letting my hair trail across his chest and abdomen until I was kneeling in between his outstretched legs, his erection standing straight up before me. I could see the large panting breaths he took in the rise and collapse of his stomach as I leaned slowly forward. Despite his many years of sexual experience, it seemed so easy to bring him to the edge of reason and I wanted to fully exploit this. And despite my utter inexperience, I had long been well-versed in the art of torture.

I shifted my long hair to the shoulder away from the mirror, and parted my lips just above his cock. My eyes flickered to his face and saw him watching with dark eyes our reflection in the mirror. And from the way his mouth was shut tightly and the lack of movement in his stomach, I had a pretty good idea that he was holding his breath in anticipation.

I ran my tongue over my lips, just enough that it slid centimeters near his cock, but never touching.

"Fuck, Blair," he moaned, his face contorting in equal amounts of pain and pleasure.

"Patience," I murmured, articulating the word pointedly so that the air would caress his shaft.

"Shit," he muttered, and I saw his hands fist at his side.

My tongue finally crept out to touch the soft skin in a gentle lick. I was starting to have a kind of fascination about this part of his body ever since last night. I had always thought that giving hand jobs or blow jobs would be a kind of chore for girlfriends and wives- not that Nate ever asked for one. But it was surprisingly enjoyable, and it wasn't even that it made him writhe in pleasure wrought on by myself. I was honestly curious about this appendage and wanted to touch and taste it for myself.

And though I didn't have any real experience in this matter, I _had_ read Cosmo for the last two years and remembered some tricks from articles. I knew the most sensitive areas to concentrate on.

I slid my tongue down the underside of his shaft, all the way to where it met with coarse hair. His hips bucked up a little, and I heard more obscenities flowing out his mouth.

My tongue made its way back up to the tip slowly, drawing lazy circles and loops along the skin as it went. When it reached the top, I saw the head was seeping now. I brought my lips right to the tip, parted them slowly over his skin, and then took a gentle suck.

"Holy fucking shit-" he moaned, his words jumbling into an inarticulate mess from there on.

He tasted pleasant actually, the total opposite of what I had always imagined semen to taste like. Though I supposed technically this was called 'pre-cum'. It was just a little salty, and I actually kind of liked it.

I slid my mouth lower, engulfing him more. I remembered to keep my lips tight around his shaft, and to slide my tongue along his flesh in different patterns.

"How-" I heard him mutter as he kneaded his fingers in my hair- one of the few coherent utterances. "How can it be so good?"

I couldn't help but laugh, in pleased satisfaction from his words. But this made him immediately shoot up from the floor, pushing my shoulders away to remove my mouth from his dick. He was panting and his eyes were closed.

"Shit shit shit," he swore, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

"What are you doing? I asked, confused and afraid I did something wrong.

"I'm thinking of my father getting it on with a dead camel, so I don't come all over the place right now," he replied tightly, pushing his knuckles into his eyes. "We have a limited time constraint here, Waldorf, and I'm not about to leave you unsatisfied on your birthday."

I smiled and brought up a hand to the necklace on my neck. "Well you did give me a present already."

His eyes finally opened and he looked down at me with a rueful smirk. "I want to give you more."

"You're also broadening my education," I smirked as I moved forward on my knees towards him.

"Believe me," his eyes glinted as he laid back once again to accommodate me. "You are a very apt student."

I started to straddle him, but his hands stilled on my hips. "Wait, we need a condom."

I reluctantly got up and started looking for his clothes.

"Right pocket of my jacket," he told me.

I found it. "You surprise me with all of this responsibility, Bass," I teased him as I sat astride him again.

"Are you saying you want to have my baby, Waldorf?" He grinned at me and I smacked him.

He slid the condom on and I raised my hips over him. I enjoyed this so much- having this power over him. He looked at me and I could almost hear the whimper as he waited for me to finally lower onto him. I slowly slid down, until I felt him touch my wet center and then I stilled once more. He twitched within me.

"Blair," he breathed, sounding like he was in pain from waiting.

I'd never felt so beautiful and powerful and sexy in all my life. He made me feel this way. So I could repay him.

I slid down all the way in one quick motion. My eyes widened at the feeling of total fullness and it was just a little painful as my body, already slightly sore, readjusted to the invasion. But he moaned with his head thrown back like I'd just transported him to heaven and it was all worth it.

When I didn't feel the pain anymore, I began moving my hips. I was still new at this, so I started slowly, taking them all the up until he almost slid out, and then back down on again. He murmured his praise and encouragement in mindless whispers.

And then I was overcome with the need to go faster, harder, and my hips followed. It made me so wild, my nails raking along his chest, sweat blossoming on my body, riding him with total abandon, but I just couldn't care. Nothing mattered if I could just have this.

A flash of light broke over my eyes as I began convulsing over him, and I sensed that this was the death of the old Blair Waldorf. But as my heart pounded as I lay against him, and my lungs almost painfully expanded with their need for air, I knew that in that death, something new was being born.

And it felt more alive than I'd ever had before.


End file.
